Moving Forward

Dear God,

I'm trying, I've been trying.

People say I'm just infatuated with him, but I think it's more than that. I thought I moved on, I really did. I really did love him. I think I still do. Maybe I have moved on and what's left are the memories and the attachments, infatuation? It's not fair God. It's not fair. I've lived what I thought was an obedient life, patient, pure. It isn't fair, it's not right for him to have taken advantage of me, my innocent heart. I really don't think I deserve any of this heartbreak. God, I really thought we had a future together. I thought he was a blessing from you, from mom. I know that mom would have loved him as a future son-in-law.

God, I prayed and prayed. Never anything selfish, but always trusting in you and letting your will be done. Was it never part of your will then? Should I fight for it? Let it go? If it is part of your plan no matter the obstacles will you bring us together? I'm sorry God but I'm not sure I believe in that kind of stuff. I don't believe in the perfect one anymore. I don't know God. I'm sorry to feel all jaded on Love, I know that makes you sad. Love, one of the greatest gifts from you. Something you'd love to see happen with all of us.

God, let your will be done. I've always said it, and I won't ever stop. But please God, if this isn't part of your will, please show me God. I've asked you a thousand times to show me a sign, something, anything that will show me it's not part of your amazing plan for me. But I'm not sure I've gotten it yet. Please God, show me something. I'm desperate to move on and to let go. My hurts to be healed. All attachments loose. Gone away. This is my prayer God, my prayer to you. I am sorry I've been so consumed in this whole mess. This sick love that's destracting me from chasing after you, pursuing you. Glorifying you, praising you, loving you. This love is weighing me down, narrowing my perspectives, disillusioned with love. Jaded.
Forgive me Father for my selfish ways and purify my heart. Help me to be that lady of virtue, of integrity. Help me to love you. Sometimes though, it's hard to grasp you-living in the tangible world we live in now.

Father, I know you love me so much. No matter how low I am in life, how far I distance myself from you, I know that I am blessed with your grace. Your grace renews my heart, your grace loves me all over again. Your grace teaches me to love. Thank you.

Well it's getting pretty late. I should go now. Thank you for always listening to me, your weak, selfish, daughter. I'm in need of so much grace. Thank you, and thank you. In all things, I pray in Jesus name, Amen.